Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
