he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
