He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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