You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
