My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
