I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
