Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
