Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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