Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
