just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Help me help you realize you are a moron
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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