I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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