Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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