did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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