i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
