The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
