I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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