She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
