He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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