why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
