some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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