you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
