I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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