Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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