I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
