Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
