You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
