I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
