isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
