Where is the hickey?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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