So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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