theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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