So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
not ubering you a puppy
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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