I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
