I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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