Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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