so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize