Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
