sorry about calling you the devil all night.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
