Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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