Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
