i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
