She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
