u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
