that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
