Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
