you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
