Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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