Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
