No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
