Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Acid is not a monday night drug
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
