Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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