Your dad touched me again.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
