Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So vagazzling was a success
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
