peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
why do cheetos always look like penises
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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