apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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