the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
