cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
