great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
