i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
