EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
