Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
