Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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