maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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