well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
