kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
