who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
