I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Do vagina's smell?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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