Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize
