i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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