My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize