She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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