Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's rum buckets o'clock
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
