I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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