I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize