you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
