foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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