I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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