Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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