ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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