thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
