I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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