dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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