I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
