i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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