Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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