sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
