He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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