porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize