Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
