I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
