he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
